The One With Anakin's Big break
by padme's sister
Summary: What do you get if you cross FRIENDS and Star Wars? Total Randomness! Read on to find out what happens. Please review aswell.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own FRIENDS or Star Wars, although I wish I did. No copyright infringement was intended, just a bit of harmless fun.**

**Authro note: This is just an idea I had once whilst watching the FRIENDS episode 'The one with Joey's big break'. Joey just so reminded me of Anakin, and then I wondered what would happen if I applied this storyline to Star Wars. This is my outcome. I appologise to all those who hate Jar Jar, he's actually the only one I could think of for Phoebe. But trust me, if Jar Jar had been like this in the films, I'm sure people would like him better! Oh and by the way, the opening credits do actually fit in with the theme of FRIENDS if you have it on in the background and sing along with it!**

**J.E.D.I (A Star Wars version of FRIENDS)**

**The One With Anakin's Break**

It was early morning on Coruscant and Padme was visiting Anakin at the Jedi temple. She was sitting on a couch in one of the meditating rooms, flanked by Yoda and Mace. Obi-Wan and Anakin are also there and the five of them are reading.

Padme suddenly stopped reading and started blinking her left eye as if it was bothering her. The problems was that Anakin was on her left and thought that she was winking at him. He started to wink back. Yoda was watching, not quite sure what to make of it.

"What's going on? he asked and everyone else looked up from what they were reading.

"Well my eye is a little itchy." Padme revealed and everyone turns to Anakin.

"Uhh, mine too! Yeah." he pretends to rub it.

Mace turned to Padme and looked at her eye. "Wow that's really red!" he said. "You should go see my eye doctor."

"Arfour? I'm not gonna go see your ex-astrodroid!

Obi-Wan huffed in annoyance and everyone turned to him. "Arfour, that's all I hear. Arfour, Arfour, Arfour!"

"Since we've separated, I think I've mentioned his name twice!" Mace corrected but Obi-Wan still scowled.

"Ok, so Arfour, Arfour!"

Mace ignored Obi-Wan turning back to Padme. "It's not Arfour! Okay? It's this new droid and he's really good. Apparently he's friends with Artoo."

Padme put her book down, shaking her head. "I don't care! I'm not going to an eye doctor! No matter who he's friends with!"

Now it was Yoda's turn to put his book down. "Here we go!"

"What?" Obi-Wan turned to the Jedi Master.

"Freaks out, she does, anytime anything comes close to touching her eye, or anyone else's. Watch!" he said, taking one long clawed finger and moving it towards his eye. Padme flinched and looked away.

"Yoda! come on!" she protested and when she saw the others looking at her she sighed. "Fine, Okay. I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?

They all nodded and returned to their reading. After a while Mace looked up again.

"Hey Padme?" she looked up. "Remember that great song, _Me, Myself and I?_" On the 'I' part, he pretended to poke his eye. Padme flinched again.

"Mace! come on!"

"Want some lunch, does anyone? All in favour, say I!" and with that he poked his eye too. Padme freaked out.

"Yoda! Stop it! Come on!"

Now Obi-Wan had decided to join in. "Hey how much do I love the King and **I**?" he said, touching his eye with his finger.

"Obi-Wan!" Padme cried in exhasperation. The one person she trusted to not make fun of her had let her down. Of course it would only be a matter of time now before Anakin joined in, and sure enough he did, leaning forwards shouting "Me too! Me too! Me too!" as he jammed his finger into his eye.

"Just stop it, all of you!" she cried, not sure that she could handle anymore. Suddenly Anakin howled in pain, holding his eye.

"You ok there man?" Obi-Wan asked curiously and Anakin nodded.

"Yeah, I just got too excited!" he said and Padme couldn't help but smile with satisfaction. Hopefully Anakin would now think twice before teasing her like that again.

**"So no one told you life was gonna be this way! (sabers clash)**

**Your jobs unnecessary,**

**The Galaxies a pain**

**It's like your always stuck in second gear**

**Well it hasn't been your day, **

**Your week, **

**Your month, **

**Or even your year,**

**But they'll be there for you, **

**When the planets start to fall**

**They'll be there for you, **

**Coz you've needed them before**

**They'll be there for you,**

**Coz you need them, it's true."**

**(Sung by Cody and the Clones)**


	2. Chapter 2

Yoda, Obi-Wan, Mace and Jar Jar were sitting at the table eating breakfast that Padme had made for them. Yoda put his tiny spoon back in the bowl and indicated that he needed to get down. Mace lifted him out of his high chair and set him on the floor.

"Got to go, I have. Taking Padawans to the park, I am." he said, calling his walking stick to his outstretched hand with the Force and hobbling towards the door.

"Oh give them a kiss from messa!" Jar Jar called and Yoda nodded before leaving. Once he was gone, Jar Jar let out a long breath.

"I'm sorry youssa got caught in the middle of that. Messa didn't mean to be so out theres, but messa furious with him!"

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Wow...um, calm down." he suggested and Mace had to stiffle a giggle.

"Messa tryin, but man that guy can sure push messen buttons!"

"Why are you so mad at him?" Mace asked, composing himself again after almost chocking on his cereal.

Jar Jar shook his head. "Messa don't want to talk about it. Okey-Day?

"Well it just seems that..." Mace pressed, not satisfied with Jar Jar's answer, but Jar Jar interupted him angrily.

"Youssa wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seen messen list by the way?

"Um, no JJ. What's it look like?" Obi-Wan said, getting up to put his bowl in the sink.

"Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says "Yoda" on it." Jar Jar said, fumbling in his pockets. Just then the door opened and Anakin walked in, clearly depressed.

"Hey, I just got off the hologram with the Chancellor and guess what..." he paused and they all looked at him with concern.

"I GOT THE MISSION!" he yelled excitedly, jumping up and down. The other's couldn't contain their excitement.

"You got the mission? That's amazing! What mission is it?" Obi-Wan asked, as he patted Anakin's shoulder excitedly.

"I've been chosen to go to Mustafar and slaughter all those worthless separatists that are just taking up space."

"Ooh, chilling!" Jar Jar shivered, but he was grinning madly anyway and Anakin had to severely hope he didn't jump up and smother him with one of his stupid gungan hugs.

"And the best part is..." Anakin continued, turning to Obi-Wan. "I get to kill Nute Gunray! You know what that means buddy!"

"Yeah I know what that means buddy!" Obi-Wan said, equally as excited as Anakin now.

"SPACE TRIP!" they both yelled together.

"We can rent a ship! I just have to be there by Tuesday!" Anakin added, but Obi-Wan nodded, thinking this was a fair deal. After all, why wait to get rid of the pesky Nemoidans who had caused them all so much hassle in the past.

Jar Jar got up suddenly. "Boss Nass is dead!"

Obi-Wan and Anakin looked at each other, not knowing what to say. "Well, uh, we can talk about that too JJ." he said at last, but Jar Jar was shaking his head, causing his huge ears to almost knock Anakin out.

"No! No, his ship!" he corrected and Obi-Wan turned back to Anakin, who looked equally as confused.

"Hesa probably not usin it; you can drive it to Mustafar." Jar Jar finished and Anakin's face lit up.

"Alright! Thanks Jar Jar!" he said, hugging the goofy gungan, who blushed bright red.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my new padawan?" Obi-Wan interupted. Anakin thought for a few seconds.

"Um, leave him?"

"Alright, great Space trip baby!" Obi-Wan's face lit up again. Then he turned to Mace. "Is this ok with you Master?"

"Obi-Wan! You don't have to ask for the council's permission." he said, then when everyone else was preoccupied, he whispered "You can go."

"Thankyou" Obi-Wan whispered back. He hated doing anything without the council's permission, but he also hated Anakin calling him a good two shoes.

Mace stood up finally and put his bowl away, making a mental note to tidy up later. After all, he hated mess. "Hey Padme, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!" he called.

Padme came out of her bedroom very reluctanly and slowly walked over to the table. "All right! Let's get this over with!" she sighed, but as she walked past the table, she noticed that no one was looking. Knowing how much Mace hated mess, she accidentally on purpose knocked over the open cereal box, letting it spill all over the floor. Then she deliberately started to walk it into her nice powder blue carpet, hoping that it would come out later. Still she had the money for a new one if it didn't.

"Ohhh! No! Look what I did!" she said, still deliberately walking the cereal into the carpet. "Oh, look at the mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!"

But Mace wasn't going to be fooled. "If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky!" he said, ushering Padme out of the door, but before he closed the door fully, he stuck his head back in. "Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement and crouched down to clear up the mess.


	3. Chapter 3

Back at the Jedi temple, Anakin was studying a map as Jar Jar walked in.

"Heloo Ani!" The goofy gungan greeted, then he saw the map. "What's up with youssa?"

Anakin looked up then invited Jar Jar to sit down with him. "I can't decide which route to take to Mustafar. Hey you've traveled alot right?"

Jar Jar nodded proudly. "Yep. Messa been all over the Glaxy."

"Ok, so which route should I take? The northern route or the southern route?" Anakin turned back to the map and pointed to the two routes.

"Ooh, if youssa takes the northern route, there's a man on the way with a beard of gundarks."

Anakin turned off the map in delight. "Great! Problem solved!"

"But on the southern route there's a bantha that plays sabac." Jar Jar added so Anakin turned the map back on again.

"Well back to square one." he sighed.

Jar Jar thought for a moment. "Oh, messa knows a way you can decide! All righty, messa gonna ask youssa a series of questions and youssa answer as quickly as youssa can."

"Yes" Anakin said quickly but Jar Jar held up his hand.

"Good, but wait. Okey-day, all righty, here wessa goen. Now messa wanten yous to relax. Take deep breaths. Clear your mind." he said and Anakin nodded, closing his eyes and clearing his mind.

"Which do youssa like better? Peanut butter or egg whites?" Jar Jar said quickly.

"Oh um...peanut butter!"

"No thinking, no thinking!" Jar Jar scolded. "Naboo or Coruscant?"

"Naboo"

"Which would youssa ratehr be? Jedi or Sith?"

"Sith...hey wait!" Anakin's eyes snapped open as he realised what he had just said, but Jar Jar carried on, ignoring him.

"North route or south route?"

"North route!"

"Bamn! There youssa go! Huh?" Jar Jar said, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Wow! That was incredible! Beard of gundarks, here I come!" Anakin said in delight, turning off the map again.

"Hey!" Yoda said as he hobbled in and sat up at the table with them.

"Oh this guy again." He said, ignoring Yoda.

"Hey man, what's up?" Anakin greeted the Jedi Master.

"Not much. Want to see a movie tonigh, do you?" he asked them, but Jar Jar just ignored him.

"Sure, what do you want to see?" Anakin asked, but Yoda shrugged.

"I don't know, umm..."

"Oh, I know how we can decide. Jar Jar, show him your game!" Anakin turned to Jar Jar, but Jar Jar just got up.

"No thank youssa!" he said, walking over to another table a little way away.

"What's with him?" Yoda asked, staring at the gungan's back. Anakin shrugged.

"I dunno. But hey, I know how we can decide. Ok, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Ok?"

Yoda nodded so Anakin thought about the questions for a minute.

"Action or comedy?" he said at last.

"Action."

"Who would you rather sleep with? Sabe or Padme?"

Yoda glared at Anakin, but Anakin just motioned for him to hurry up.

"Sick you are, young Skywalker!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Jedi rules thing." Anakin appologised, getting up and walking away before Yoda could explain that the real reason was because both Padme and Sabe were already married.


	4. Chapter 4

At the Coruscant medical centre, Mace was waiting with Padme in the optician's room, waiting for the eye doctor. Mace was looking at a large white machine.

"Oh my god what does **that** thing do?" Padme said, also spotting the machine.

Mace leaned over and looked at it more closely. "Oh that's an eye removal machine."

"All right! I'm outta here!"

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

But Padme still insisted on heading towards the door anyway. However she was intercepted by a medical droid.

"Hi Padme!" he said brightly.

"Hey!" Padme said, looking for a way past the little metal doctor.

"I'm D0-C. Mace told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry, everything's gonna be just fine." he said cheerfully, guiding Padme back into the room.

"So were done then!" Padme said hopefully.

"Almost! But first we gotta start."

"Okay." Padme said, but as soon as the droid turned his back on her, she began to mouth rude words at him, until she caught Mace watching.

"This is a glaucoma test." the droid said, motioning towards another large white machine.

"Uh-huh" Padme said, eyeing it warily.

"Sit down." the droid invited.

"Okay." Padme sat down and Mace stood a few steps behind her, ready to grab her if she tried to run.

"Put your chin there." he indicated to a small area for her to sit her chin in.

"Now you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye." he continued, but Padme jerked back.

"What!" she exclaimed.

"A small puff of air, now come on!" Mace said in frustration. He couldn't believe what a baby Padme was being. She could fight in any war, and not even care if someone told her she was going to die, yet she couldn't stand anyone touching her, or anyone else's eyes.

"Here we go." D0-C said and Padme reluctantly put her chin back in the rest.

"Ok." she took a deep breath.

"1...2..." the droid began to count.

"3!" Padme jerked her head back before he could do anything.

"I'm sorry." she appologised. "All right, I'll just stay here this time." she said, putting her head back. "Ok".

"Ready?" the droid asked.

"Uh-huh."

"Ok. 1...2..." This time Padme flinched on two.

"You know what, I'm gonna hold her head." Mace said stepping forwards but the droid shook his head.

"No it's alright."

"Ok." Mace said, backing off.

"Ok, ok." Padme said, taking another deep breath.

"1...2..." again she flinched on two, so the droid gave up. "You know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma."

Padme jumped up out of the seat, really excited.

"Great! It was very, very nice to meet you sir."

The droid pulled out a little instrument and looked into Padme's eye with it as she was shaking his hand causign her to flinch and scream.

"Ow! Hey! What are you doing! Are you crazy!"

"Ok. You've got a minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.

Padme laughed. "Yeah, no I don't put things in my eye."

"Ok then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months." the droid said.

"Great!" Padme said excitedly, heading for the door.

"And I'll fit you for a glass eye."

Padme spun on the spot and marched back over to him. "Ok, just give me the damn drops!" she said, snatching them from him

Mace went to follow her out, but as he got to the door, he paused.

"D0-C?" he covered his eye and began to read from the chart that hung on a cupboard door. "D-R-O-I-D"

"Very good Mace! You know where they are." the droid said as he turned away.

"I sure do!" Mace said, skipping over to a drawer and pulling out a purple lolli-pop. Then he walked back to Padme and waved it in her face. "And you don't get one!" he taunted and Padme scowled, mumbling under her breath.


	5. Chapter 5

Padme, Jar Jar, Mace and Anakin were back in the Jedi temple later on, sitting in the archive library.

"You know, I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is 100 better." she said out loud.

"They're still in my robe." Mace pointed, pulling them out.

"Damn!" Padme exclaimed, realising she had been rumbled.

"Hey!" a voice said, and they all looked up to see Obi-Wan entering.

"Ready to go?" Anakin asked excitedly.

"Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a robe or will all these tunics be enough?" he said, holding up three tunics of different colours.

Mace was staring at him in disbelief.

"What?" Obi-Wan asked innocently.

"It's a volcanic planet. Somehow I don't think freezing will be your problem."

"Man, I wish Yoda was coming with us. Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!" Anakin sighed as he got up.

"Thanks alot!" Jar Jar exclaimed. "Messa just getten that jerk out of messa mind!"

Obi-Wan ignored him and turned back to Anakin. "So where are we staying? Has the Chancellor put us up in a big hotel suite?"

"Uh no, not really. It's an independant mission y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room." Anakin said casually as though he had it all sorted.

"I see." Obi-Wan muttered, "but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean lead on a mission, they must be paying you a lot?" Obi-Wan asked hopefully.

"Oh yeah! For every sepraratist I kill, one credit goes right in my pocket." Anakin exclaimed happily, patting the pouch hanging on his belt.

"So you don't get paid unless you actually kill?" Mace asked in shock but Anakin nodded enthusiastically.

"Did you not hear the mission? To kill all the seperatists! I'm gonna be a millionaire!"

Mace was about to answer back when Yoda hobbled in.

"Hey!"

"Hey!" Anakin said, greating the Jedi master with a wave.

"Say good-bye, I just wanted to and to see if place a little bet for me you guys will, huh? Twenty credits on black 15." he said, handing over twenty credits.

"You got it." Anakin tucked the money in his pouch. As Yoda turned away, Anakin mouthed "No way!" to Obi-Wan who just smiled.

"All right, bye bye now!" Obi-Wan said, turning for the door.

"Bye!" Jar Jar called happily, still ignoring Yoda.

"Bye you guys!" Padme called after them.

"I wanna say goodbye at the ship!" Mace said, getting up and following Obi-Wan out.

"Anybody wanna say goodbye to me?" Anakin asked, feeling a little left out.

"Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss." Padme said, getting up.

"See ya!" Anakin turned on his heal and walked out quickly.

"Hey wait a minute! The puss is good! It meanse it's healing!" she called, running after him and leaving Jar Jar alone with Yoda.

"Hey JJ, reading, what are you.?" Yoda asked casually, but Jar Jar ignored him. "JJ?"

Jar Jar just turned away.

"Hello?" Yoda asked, sitting down next to him, but Jar Jar just shuffled up a bit.

"Jar Jar?" Yoda moved closer, but Jar Jar just kept moving away.

"Jar Jar! Come on!" he said, using the force to knock the magazine out of Jar Jar's hand. Jar Jar was forced to acknowledge him at last.

"Oh, messa sorry. Messa not seein youssa there." he said sarcastically.

**"**Jar Jar, mad at me are you ? Tell me what it is I did please!"

"Well, if youssa don't know messa can't help yous." Jar Jar snapped.

"Well, I don't know."

"Well, messa can't help yous."

"Well, whatever it is, sorry I'm very, very . Okay?"

"Appology accepted." Jar Jar reluctanly agreed.

"Okay. So good, we are?" Yoda asked hopefully.

"Uh-huh." Jar Jar nodded and his big goofy ears almost knocked Yoda off the seat.

"All right." Yoda said at last, finally satisfied. He got up from the chair "Later, I'll see you okay?"

Jar Jar turned back to his book.

"Bye bye, fat ass" he mumbled quietly, but Yoda still heard.

"ALL RIGHT! Jar Jar now come on! Tell me what it is I did will you, please, that made you so mad at me!"

"Messa don't know! Messa don't remember!" Jar Jar snapped back, putting down his magazine.

"Well if remember, you can't ,just forget about this, can we?"

"Oh no, messa still mad at yous. Messa knowen that much. But, messa sorry about the fat ass thing. Youssa actually have a very sweet little hiney."

Yoda wasn't quite sure what to make of that comment, so he turned and left quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

Anakin and Obi-Wan were making their way to Mustafar. Anakin was driving as the two sat in the cockpit chatting.

"Man I'm getting pretty tired. You might have to take over soon." Anakin said, yawning. Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows at the young Jedi in disbelief.

"We've been flying for half an hour, and you haven't looked at the space road once."

"Don't worry, it's out there!" Anakin assured him.

Just then a horn honked and Anakin quickly looked back at the space road.

"I think I just need lunch." he muttered and Obi-Wan agreed.

"Yeah."

"You wanna eat?" Anakin asked, pulling the twenty credits out of his pouch. "My treat!"

"Isn't that Yoda's money?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yeah Okay.Yoda's treat! Where do you wanna eat?"

"I dunno." Obi-Wan said, scanning all the space cafe's that whizzed past, non of which took his fancy.

"Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind. Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!" Anakin persisted until at last Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes.

"Okay!" he said at last.

"Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?"

"Too dry." Obi-Wan answered quickly.

"Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?"

"No!"

"Is this mission gonna make me a Jedi Master?" Anakin asked sneakily.

"No!"

"What!" Anakin said shocked.

"Yes." Obi-Wan said quickly.

"Dude you said No!"

"I also said, Yes!" Obi-Wan tried to reason but it was too late.

"So you don't think this is going to be a big break for me?"

"No!" he said, thinking he was still playing the game. Then he realised what he'd just said."Ahhh!"

"I don't believe this!" Anakin muttered and it was clear he was upset.

"Look Ani, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high." Obi-Wan said kindly, putting a hand on Anakin's arm, but Anakin jerked it away, causing the ship to swerve to one side. More honks issued from traffic coming the other way, but Anakin ignored them.

"What are you talking about! I'm the lead in a mission!"

2They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real mission!"

"Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break."

"Ani, I don't think this is going to be your big break." Obi-Wan admitted truthfully.

"Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone." he sulked.

"Oh, you don't want me on the trip?"

"Not if you're gonna be like this!"

"All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie." Obi-Wan snapped.

"Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!" Anakin said.

"All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!" Obi-Wan dared, not thinking Anakin would be so stupid.

"Fine!" Anakin sped to the planet surface, slammed on the brakes and skidded the ship to a stop. Horns were sounding from every direction but Anakin ignored them, pushing a button to make the hatch open. "Get out!"

"You're not actually supposed to stop like that." Obi-Wan pointed out, shocked that Anakin was being so stupid.

"Get out!" Anakin yelled.

"All right!" Obi-Wan sighed, getting out. The hatch closed and Anakin sped away, disappearing back into the lines of heavy traffic. "Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here." Obi-Wan cried out to no-one in particular.


	7. Chapter 7

Back at the Jedi temple Yoda was trying to figure out why Jar Jar was mad at him. Mace and Padme were also there, watching with amusement.

"Okay, mad at me are you, because my hair gel smells?"

"No." Jar Jar shook his head.

"Angry at me are you because said your handwriting is childlike, I did?"

"No that made messa feel precious." he said with a tiny grin.

"Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? You can't even talk proper English, so who are you to correct other people!" Mace suggested and Yoda glared at him.

"Yeah? Take you now, I will. Beat you I will, easily."

"Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose." Padme interupted and Yoda turned to glare at her instead.

"Okay, **I'm** the baby." he said, pointing to his eye.

"Stop it!" she cried, turning away. They were suddenly interupted by Obi-Wan wandering through the door.

"Hey!" he said.

"Obi-Wan! What are you doing here?" Mace asked the question that everyone had been dying to know.

"Anakin kicked me out of the space ship on Tatooine."

"Why!" They all asked together.

"I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast..."

"That game should not be played without messa supervising." Jar Jar muttered.

"Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this was gonna be his big break, that this mission wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real mission--Okay, he should've dumped me in a black hole." Obi-Wan groaned, slumping down beside Padme, holding a bag.

"What's in the bag?" Jar Jar asked when he spotted it.

"Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found in the desert." He said, looking into the bag "Who wants the droid with one leg?"

"Messa!" Jar Jar said, jumping up and down.


	8. Chapter 8

A little later on, Padme was back at her apartment trying to apply her eye drops whilst Mace looked on.

"Okay." she said, tilting her head back and squeezing the eyedropper. The only problem was that it wasn't over her eye.

"Not even close." Mace sighed.

"Ok then, y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!" she cried, handing the little bottle to Mace.

"Ok, All right let's do it." he said, leading her over to the couch. "Now sit."

"All right." she said as she sat down.

"Put your head back." he said, placing a cushion behind her head.

"Yes!"

"Alright!"

"Okay!"

"Now open your eyes." Mace said.

"Okay they are." Padme said, even though they weren't.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Mace asked angrily, even though he wasn't actually holding up any.

Padme thought for a moment before answering. "Four."

"Oh my God, I was thinking four!" Mace said in amazement.

"Really?" Padme sat up. "Does that mean I can be a Jedi now?"

"No!" Mace said, gently pushing her head back down again. "Alright, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Ok?"

"Ok."

"No drops!"

"Great!"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"On three, 1…2…3!" Mace said as he squeezed the bottle. Padme pulled her head away on three to avoid the drops. "Now the pillow's all wet!" Mace said. He had been trying to fool Padme and had squeezed the drops.

"Well, well, you said it was practice!" Padme protested her innocence as she sat up.

"Then why did you move!"

"Because I knew you were lying!" she stated and Mace glared.

"All right, come here!" he said, dragging her off the couch by her legs.

"What are you? Mace! Stop it! Oh my God! Stop it!"

Mace dragged her onto the floor and onto her back.

"I am going… I'm going..." Padme rolled onto her stomach. "Turn it over!" he moaned as he rolled her back. "I'm… I am going to get these drops in your eyes."

He held Padme down with both hands and held the eyedropper in his mouth.

"Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!" Padme cried as she tried to struggle free.

Mace started biting the eyedropper, causing the liquid to spray all over. However Padme kept turning her head back and forth, causing Mace to keep missing.

"Mace! Stop it!" she cried as he spat the bottle out of his mouth.

"Damn! It's empty!" he moaned as the two stayed in the rather risqué pose for a few moments in silence.

"Wow, y'know if Anakin walked in right now, he'd kill ya!" Padme finally stated and Mace jumped off her as quick as a flash.


	9. Chapter 9

A while later Jar Jar and Mace were playing sabac in Padme's apartment when the comm-talk bleeped.

"Ooh, that is definately Obi-Wan, Anakin, or Yoda." he said, then he thought, "Or Padme!"

Mace picked up the comm-talk and switched it on. "Hello?"

Anakin's head appeared and Jar Jar grinned, all proud of himself.

Mace turned back to Anakin's hologram. "I'm so glad you called. Obi-Wan told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it."

"Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his tunics!" Anakin replied with a sly grin.

"What did you do to his tunics?" Mace asked suspiciously.

Anakin grinned again. "Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dugs on Tatooine. Hey Mace listen is-is Jar Jar there? I gotta ask him something about the ship."

"Yeah, he's here. Hold on a second." he said, handing the comm-talk over to Jar Jar

"Hey Ani!"

"Hey JJ! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What is it?" he asked, holding up a wooden box.

"Oh that's Boss Nass." he said, watching as Anakin held the box away from him. "And thanks Anakin he'sa having a really great time." Jar Jar added and Anakin smiled again.

Just then the door opened and Obi-Wan walked in. As he saw the hologram of Anakin he ran over to the couch. "Is that Anakin? Is that Anakin? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!"

"Okey-dey Anakin? Obi-Wan's here, hessa wondering…" Anakin's hologram disappeared and Jar Jar shrugged. "Okay, messa guessen hessa run out of change." Jar Jar stated, handing the comm-talk back to Mace.

"Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?" Obi-Wan sighed as he slumped down on the couch next to Mace.

"Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Mustafar he'll know that you're sorry." Mace suggested

"That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of Sith…" Obi-Wan wondered.

"No, don't-don't say youssa sorry with Sith!" Jar Jar protested.

"Really?" Obi-Wan asked, a little surprised.

"Y'know what youssa should send him? A cartoon of deathsticks. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No... That's prison."

"Okay JJ..." Yoda said as he hobbled in. "Know how we're going to figure this out, I do. Okay, mind you must clear and first thing that comes into your head, you must answer. Okay?"

"Uh-hmm." Jar Jar nodded.

"Like better what do you, Gungan or Gundark?"

"Gungan, duh!"

"Rather be, who would you? Jedi or Chancellor?"

"Jedi"

"Mad at me, why are you?"

"Youssa said I was boring--Ohh!" Jar Jar suddenly realised what he had just said.

"Say you were boring, when did I!" Yoda asked, surprised.

"Oh my God, messa remembers now! We was playing sabac!"

"Jar Jar! Never played sabac have you and I!"

"Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We was playing sabac, youssa said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and youssa were Cameron Diaz!" Jar Jar suddenly realised what he had just said. "Okay, there's a **chance** this might have been a dream!"


	10. Chapter 10

On the volcanic planet of Mustafar, Anakin set down his ship and climbed out of the cockpit. As he did, a huge pile of fast food containers littered the platform from his footwell. Anakin spotted his first victim who had come out to greet him.

"Hey! Nute! Hey! You're worst nightmare is here! Let's get to work!"

"Umm, slight change of plans. We've been let off." Nute sighed as he walked over to the Jedi.

"Wh-what! Why!" Anakin exclaimed.

"It's a diplomatic thing."

"You're kidding right?" Anakin laughed, but Nute shook his head.

"No."

"What!" Anakin said in disappointment, putitng his saber back on his belt.

"It-it's probably just temporary. There's talk that they've found more evidence against us, so if you could just, uh, hang out."

"Hang out? How long?"

Nute shrugged. "A week, maybe two? The evidence will turn up! People will always wanna invest in trials! Hey, you're not rich are ya?"

"No." Anakin said, showing him the five credits he had left.

"Eh, worth a shot." nute sighed, climbing into his ship. "Look Anakin, let me know where you're staying, ok?"

The ship soared away into space

More seperatists walked out and began to board their ships. Just then a guy walked up to Anakin from behind.

"Hey pal, are you Anakin Skywlaker?"

"Yeah."

"These got left for ya." The guy said, handing Anakin a bunch of helium balloons.

"Thanks." Anakin sighed as the guy walked away. He read the card attached to one of the strings. "Congratulations on your big break."

Anakin watched as the other seperatist ships also soared away into space, leaving him on the platform with his balloons.


	11. Chapter 11

Back at Anakin and Padme's, the commtalk was buzzing. Mace leant over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mace, it's Anakin!" a hologram of Anakin's head appeared.

"Hey Anakin! Aww, you remembered even thought you're a big hero!" Mace said in admiration.

"Aw, come one! It'll be years before I forget you!" Anakin replied with a smile.

"Anakin, what's it like on Mustafar, huh? Do you have a designated killing room? Do you have a plaque with your name on it saying 'Anakin killed here'?" Mace asked eagerly.

"Uh, well yeah - yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want to make sure you tell Obi-Wan that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go, Mace, my uh, my lunch's here!" The hologram said and then it disappeared.

As Anakin hung up the phone, he pulled on a helmet to complete his Republic Guard outfit. He had been forced to take another job and now worked at a local restaurant. He walked over to a family of hutts who were standing infront of a photographer.

"Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'"

"Okay!"

"Everybody smile!" Anakin forced a big grin onto his face as the picture was taken. "Ok, thanks alot. Enjoy your stay at _Emperors_! We hope you have a blast!" he said brightly as the family slithered into the restaurant. As he was out of earshot of everyone, Anakin took of his helmet and stroked the soft brush on top.

"Kill me." he mumbled to himself. "Kill me now!"


	12. Chapter 12

Back at Anakin and Padme's apartment, everyone was there except Anakin, surrounding Padme at key positions.

"Hey, Padme. Pass me the Galactic Guide, can you?" Yoda asked innoccently.

"Yep!" Padme said brightly, leaning forwards to grab it of the table. As she moved to get it, Mace yelled "GO!"

Jar Jar jumped to the floor as Yoda tackled Padme off the couch. Obi-Wan helped to push her onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch as Jar Jar grabbed her head to hold it still. He held Padme's eyes open as Mace jumped onto Obi-Wan's back and leant over to administer the eye drops.

"What! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God !" Padme screamed.

"Ok! Ok! Ok!" he said, squeezing the drops into her eye. At last he managed to administer them and everyone climbed off Padme.

"We'll see you in about 3-4 hours." he said triumphantly.

"Oh!" Padme groaned as she lay on the floor, still trying to recover.

**Author's note: **Hi guys, hope you liked it, and for those of you who have seen the episode it's based on, I hope it wasn't too far out. Please review, coz I'm bored and need stuff to keep me busy!


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